To 2010: Get Offa My Lawn.

Dear 2010: I''ve seen so many negative things about you in the statuses lately. It seems that you really did not work to ability. So much promise, so much technology, and you left us in the dust holding our non-functioning blu-ray that's missing a patch cord.  So much enlightenment and we still act like damned dirty apes and muck up yet another body of water. Yes, it's been a bitch for people who lost their shirts in the crash  while still a few ( I'm looking at you, Wall Street Bankers) got obscene amounts of money for running the financial system into the ground, and their chips for free.

Though 2010 was a tough one for many people I know, at least we survived. And with every loss comes a gain, like you know how whenever a door shuts on you, a window opens, only it's raining and the open window is on the second floor.

But as an eternal realist, I have to say: Half full, half empty, someone's gotta wash that glass.So get out your rubber gloves and dish soap, because Bend Over Here It Comes Again.So here are some suggestions for that 2010 Theme Party. Come dressed as any of the following:


1. Chilean Miners and Platform Survivors: Better than any reality show.Do bring your survival suit, ipod, a big middle finger for BP, and a hug for El Presidente. Why don't they let him run BP? Just sayin.

2. The Giants Win the Pennant! The Giants Win the Pennant! All you Dodgers fans, don't forget your child-of-divorce-black plastic bag with your away uniform inside for when you have to shuttle between Mommy's and Daddy's house. Walter O'Malley is spinning in his crypt. First, Ebbets Field, now this.

3. National Pubic Radio Opera "Das Whinegold".  Do bring your Juan Williams NPR mug, Whoopi cushion, shoe to stuff in mouth and plate of crow to eat with Rush, BillO and $arahPac. Make sure your partner dresses in a sensible suit as Helen Thomas a.k.a. "What is she Fricka'n saying?"  to complete the Ring cycle of Confusion. Invoke Rick "Loki" Sanchez to help you with your grand exit. See if anyone notices.


4. Your Cheatin' Heart. On lead guitar: Elizabeth Edwards. Back up vocals, Elin Nordegren, Sandra Bullock. Jenny Sanford will encore her performance of "I'm a Man," while Michelle McGee will sing "Lydia the Tattooed Lady" while recieving a hepatitis shot.

5. A Show About Nothing.
Jersey Shore- Lifestyles of the Maimed & Bewildered.
Meet the Kardashians: and wash your hands afterwards..
Miley Cyrus: That's a lovely vuvuzuela technique you have there.You know, those horns. For the World Cu...
Justin Beiber: Hair today, gone tomorrow.
iPad: Either a really small computer or a really big phone you can drop in the toilet
Facebook: Like you don't waste enough time in the bathroom. 

And so dear Imaginary Reader, Here's to 2010. *clink* Now drink up and let's get out the good stuff.

And so: Happy New Year!  Here's a poem for you. For when your ship comes in.  For auld lang syne.

To the Harbormaster

by Frank O'Hara

I wanted to be sure to reach you;

though my ship was on the way it got caught   

in some moorings. I am always tying up   

and then deciding to depart. In storms and   

at sunset, with the metallic coils of the tide   

around my fathomless arms, I am unable   

to understand the forms of my vanity   

or I am hard alee with my Polish rudder   

in my hand and the sun sinking. To   

you I offer my hull and the tattered cordage   

of my will. The terrible channels where   

the wind drives me against the brown lips   

of the reeds are not all behind me. Yet   

I trust the sanity of my vessel; and   

if it sinks, it may well be in answer   

to the reasoning of the eternal voices,

the waves which have kept me from reaching you.