Dear Editor

We take pleasure in answering at once & thus prominently the communication below:

"Dear Editor:
I am 28 years old. I have a BA in English and a Master's Degree iin Feminist Theory, with a concentration in Gender Studies in Music Therapy & German  Expressionism. I told my friends that I was asking Santa for a job at an Ivy League college- preferably in the Humanities Department, but NOT as an adjunct-this year for Christmas.  Some of my little friends on the next barstool  laughed at me, snorting their Pabst out their noses. "What's wrong with you?" they asked. "Everyone knows that Santa is as mythological as a non-partisan repeal of the Bush-era tax bill."


I asked Papa if there was a Santa and he said to check Urban Legends.com or Mythbusters. But we can't afford cable and the public library where I use the Internet is really, really slow, so I can't figure out if this is just his way of telling me to get my own place or what. When I point out that I feel he's taking an overly paternalistic approach to dealing with a  disenfranchised daughter, he just says "There's the door, Missy."


So, dear Editor, are my friends right? Is there a Santa Claus?Is there anything to believe in this Christmas?"

Dear Virginia,
Your little friends are wrong. They have been affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age. They do not believe, except they see. 

Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.

And every year, he freezes his tuchis off on a folding chair on the back of a float while elves throw candy to the crowd. Talk about Christmas spirit. 

For you see, Virginia, people's minds have become small. They have lost their imagination. For example, there were far too many inflatables in this year's Xmas parade. I blame this on the younger firemen who can think of naught but texting their friends while trying to put out a fire. The use of inflatables should be restricted to bachelor parties. Not parades.

Why I remember a time when Santa sat in the back of a bass boat pulled by a fire truck and threw candy out of a tackle box. But times were simpler then.

But all is not lost, Virginia. As long as there are children lining up with plastic bags on the curb, waiting to be pelted with candy, there is a Santa Claus. As long as there are Santas from Salvatores Pizza and the Brewery handing out coupons, there is a Santa Claus. Santa lives as surely as the Lima FD provides a float with Santa & a smoldering house, the smoke blowing through the crowd, causing little children to scream "Santa! Your house is one fire!"  As long as there are  firemen driving John Deeres in formation down Main Street in front of a fire truck decorated with lights, There is a Santa Claus.

And as long as the employees from the Building & Grounds Dept have time to make a sleigh that rises up & down on a hydraulic scaffolding,  there is a chance you can get that ivory tower Ivy League job in the Women's Studies Dept.

Santa not real? Why, you might as well set fire to your student loan documents. It won't do you any good, but you'll feel a little warmer.







 Ginny-   if you'd  seen the faces of the people inside the Senior Citizen bus, all decorated with lights, waving at the crowd, asking the driver "I thought we were going to the doctors?"  you'd never ask  "Is Santa real?" Why, Virginia, in this world, there is nothing more real than Santa Claus, especially in the Fireman's Xmas Parade.

And this, dear Virginia is why I live in a small town. There are always Plenty of Santas. Pizza Santa, handing out some greasy cheesy. Cosmos Santa, handing out rum & cokes.Brewery Santa, with 10% off your next entree.  Insurance Santa, handing out tepid hot chocolate and non-choking candy canes. Cause you might need some life insurance before you get to the hot stuff.

Now go out there and get a job. I hear Wal-Mart is hiring.









And I heard her exclaim
As I snapped her photo that night
"You'd better not put this on facebook!"
And to all a good night!